TALKS

What church talks have you found helpful?


If you have a talk that helped you, please respond to this post. Please include the title and the speaker, as well as why you liked the talk/found it helpful. Please include your first name and the city/state where you live. Thank you for contributing.

• Death and Resurrection: Gifts from a Loving Heavenly Father, Donald W. Parry, BYU Education Week 2005. I liked this talk because it included a lot of information on death and the spirit world. It also includes some experiences some early saints had with either seeing the spirit world or being visited by someone from there. I guess this talk just gave some reassurance that my husband is alive and active and aware of me and our child. The talk is available at http://www.byubroadcasting.org/


• Favor Has Been Released Into Your Future (#363), Joel Osteen. I don't know what church this minister is affiliated with, but I really like him. He is a talented motivational speaker. Part of this sermon talks about the widow Ruth and how when she was scraping grain off the ground to survive, she could not see the good things that the Lord had in store for her future. Available at http://www.joelosteen.com/.


• Lessons on Healing, Elaine S. Marshall. I thought this talk made good, thoughtful points about healing. The main headings are (1) Healing Hurts, (2) Healing is Active, (3) Healing is Private, (4) Healing Teaches Us, (5) We Must Help Others Heal, and (6) Healing is a Divine Gife. Available at www.lds.org.
• Dark Friday, Bright Sunday, Joseph Wirthlin. This is a testimony of the resurrection and our eventual reunion with those we love. Available at www.lds.org.
  

MEMORIAL ACTIVITIES

What are some things you have done to help remember and honor your spouse?

My grief books all say that finding meaningful ways to remember and honor our loved one will encourage healing. If you would like to share a memorial activity that has helped you, please respond to this post. Please include your first name and the city/state where you live. Thank you for contributing.

• Photobook. Mypublisher.com makes it really easy to create a high quality photo book. I made a list of my husband's good qualities and accomplishments and then gathered relevant photos. For example, the "athlete" page has photos of him biking, climbing, diving, etc. The "daddy" page has pictures of him with our baby.
• Celebration Forest. My husband and I both love trees, so I felt it would be meaningful to plant a tree in his name. Celebration Forest lets you select a tree to be planted on their land in Idaho. Your tree has a specific number and location so you can go visit it if you would like. More information can be found at http://www.celebrationforest.com/.
• Memorial Blog. A friend created a blog for me that friends and former classmates can go to and post memories they have of my husband. This will be especially valuable for our daughter, who was only a few weeks old when my husband died.

SCRIPTURES

What scriptures have you found helpful?

If you have any scriptures that you would like to share, please respond to this post. Please include a brief statement of what the scripture means to you, as well as your first name and the city/state where you live, Thank you for contributing.

• "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath annointed me . . . [t]o appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning . . . ." Isaiah 61:3. All the hopes, plans, and dreams I had for the future have turned to ashes. If there is a way for this pain and sadness to be transformed into beauty and joy, sign me up.
• "Behold, they will crucify him; and after he is laid in a sepulchre for the space of three days he shall rise from the dead, with healing in his wings; and all those who shall believe on his same shall be saved in the kingdom of God." 2 Nephi 25:13. I included this verse because of how it connects the atonement, the resurrection, and healing. I don't know when I will begin to feel that any healing has occurred, and I am certain that this wound will never fully heal in this life, but I know that Christ is the source of the healing that will eventually come.
• St. John 20:1-18. These are the verses of Mary Magdalene weeping at the Lord's tomb and then seeing the risen Lord. I put these verses down because I have a completely new understanding of what Mary might have been feeling while sitting next to the tomb of someone she cared so deeply about. I can only imagine her wonder and joy and seeing the resurrected Lord. I envy her for only having to wait three days.
• "Thus saith the Lord, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen they tears: behold, I will heal thee . . . ." 2 Kings 20:5.

SUPPORT GROUPS

What support groups are near you?

I am still trying to discover support groups. If you know of one, please respond to this post. Please include the area where the group meets and how it can be contacted. Thank you for contributing.

• Caring Connections: A Hope and Comfort in Grief Program. This program is run by the University of Utah College of Nursing. The program runs continually, and each session is 8 weeks long. The cost is $50, which includes a class guide. The people who sign up for the program are divided into different groups according to their ages. For example, a parent and child would arrive together, but spend the time in different groups. I found the program helpful overall, although some class discussions and activities were not helpful to me personally. There are meeting locations in Salt Lake City, Midvale, and Orem. The program's website is http://www.nurs.utah.edu/caringconnections/groups/guidelines.htm
• Salt Lake. It looks like there is a group of LDS widows and widowers that meets twice a year in April and October to socialize. The meetings are around Salt Lake. I discovered this on the "Events" link of the following website: http://www.ldswidows.com/ There is also a "LDS Widows and Widowers" group on Facebook.
• Ogden, Utah. There is a group of young LDS widows and widowers that meets regularly in Ogden, Utah. An article about this group is at http://www.standard.net/live/news/128521
• National. There is a national online support group for young widows and widowers at www.youngwidow.org. On the site, you can join message boards for people at different stages of bereavement. You will sometimes encounter rough language. Sometimes I go to this site just to see that I am not alone in this terrible pain.
• The Sharing Place. This is a center in Sugarhouse, Utah, that assists grieving children and teens (in case you are a parent). I have heard really good things about it, although I don't know many details. Their phone number is (801) 466-6730.
• Salt Lake. If you are interested in forming a group to meet regularly in Salt Lake, please respond to this post. I would especially like to find anyone with young kids interested in a forming a play group. Thanks.
• National. www.sslf.org

QUOTES

If you have a quote related to grief or healing that you would like to share, please respond to this post. Please include your first name and the city/state where you live. Thank you for contributing.

• "Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the love and total commitment we have for another person. The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose the object of our love." C.S. Lewis
• "What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." Helen Keller
• "Hope lies not in a way out, but in a way through." Robert Frost
• "This winter of your life will pass, as all seasons do. Stay in your season of winterness as long as need be, for everything you feel is appropriate. There is no right way to grieve. There is just your way. It will take as long as it takes." Rusty Berkins
• "I felt it shelter to speak with you." Emily Dickinson
• "One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider a problem, can change our whole outlook on the world." E.H. Mayo
• "Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel and to express those feelings." Alan Wolfelt
• "What is this thing that men call death, This quiet passing in the night? 'Tis not the end, but genesis, Of better worlds and greater light. O God, touch Thou my aching heart, And calm my troubled, haunting fears. Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure, Give strength and peace beyond my tears. There is no death, but only change, With recompense for victory won; The gift of Him who loved all men, The son of God, the Holy One." Gordon B. Hinckley
• "Give sorrow words, the grief that does not speak, Whispers the overfraught heart, and bids it break." Macbeth
• "If you are going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill
• "To you wonderful sisters who find yourselves as widows, please know that God loves you. You are the choice among the choice. . . . At some period in God's timetable, you will join your eternal companion and serve together, forever, in the great work in the spirit world." Earl C. Tingey
• "[Job] needed friends who would permit him to be angry, to cry, and to scream, much more than he needed friends who would urge him to be an example of patience and piety to others." Harold Kushner
• Broken hearts still beat
• "One of the youngest in the family, I often found myself facing backward in the back of the station wagon. I never got to see where we were going, but I could always see where we'd been. I never got a really good look at where we were until we drove away. So it goes. When I don't understand the here and now, I remember that someday I will move on and maybe looking out the back window, I'll understand." Jay Richards
• "Grief is the rope burns left behind when what we have held to most dearly is pulled out of reach, beyond our grasp." Stephen Levine
• "My husband died and it was hard. But then he stayed dead. That's the part I'm really having trouble with."

BOOKS

What books have been helpful for you?

When my husband died suddenly, I didn't know what to expect from the journey of grief, other than terrible sadness. Now that my mind has cleared enough for me to read, I have found grief books to be helpful in explaining what I am experiencing. Here are the books I have read so far:

• Good Grief: A Faith-Based Guide to Understanding and Healing, Granger E. Westberg. This is the book I started with because it is short. It does a good job of explaining different stages of grief and the emotions that go with them. It is written from a religious perspective, but not a specifically Mormon one.
  
• Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World: Seven Choices, Elizabeth Neeld. This is the book that I most highly recommend. It is longer, and I am actually not yet done with it, but it is really well written. It provides a map for working through grief. I really like all the passages contributed by various widows and widowers. The author's husband died suddenly while out jogging.
  
• When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner. This book is relatively short. It explains that it is perfectly normal to question the nature of God when our loved ones die. It explains, in a sensitive way, that we are subject to natural law and that God, for the most part, allows natural law to run its course. This book changed the way I think about prayer. The author, a Rabbi, had a son die of a degenerative disease.
  
• A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis. This book is also short, but I don't recommend it. It is a jumble of notes that c.s. lewis wrote while grieving the death of his wife. While there were passages that I strongly identified with, it was ultimately hard to follow with my already confused brain.
• Embraced By the Light, Betty J. Eadie. Eadie shares her experience of dying and regaining life while in the hospital. I really liked this book. It helped me feel the reality of the next life. It presents important principles of love and learning.
• Caring Connections: A Hope and Comfort in Grief Program. This book was actually a class manual for a grief support group run by the University of Utah. It is very good at explaining the stages of grief as well as outlining some coping skills. The website for the program (8 weeks, $50) is http://www.nurs.utah.edu/caringconnections/ They also have a really good online newsletter available from the website.

• Embraced By the Light,
  
  Ultimately, the books I have read have been useful in validating my extreme emotions and unusual behaviors. It is comforting to read that what I am experiencing is normal for anyone in these circumstances. I wish all of my acquaintances would read these books so that they could better relate to my situation.
  
  If you have any books you would like to recommend to other widows and widowers, please respond to this post. Please include the author, title, and a brief description of the book and/or an explanation of why you like it. Please also include your first name and the city/state where you live. Thank you for contributing.